I'm blogging pool-side

You know it's bad when you don't even want to eat. Especially if it's me. Usually I eat all the time!! Even when I'm bored! But I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm not hungery I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want people to even touch me. It's slightly depressing.
"sometimes we need to stop analizing the past and start planning the future, stop trying to figure out precisely how we feel, stop deciding with our mind how we want our heart to feel ,somwtimes we just have to go with...'whatever happens, happens'"
-quoted by someone who has way to much time on their hands (not me)

Things Im Scared Of:

When I was little I would tell everyone that I had no fears. I believed it too, just because I wasnt afraid of the generic responses such as snakes, spiders or the dark. As I get older I realize just how wrong I was. In fact there are a great many things I am terrified of. Since I just happen to love lists and procrastinating on my book project due on the 13th:
Things I am Scared of:

• Boys-do I even have to explain this one? I mean come on ladies you know where Im coming from. Their so confusing and never stop annoying us. They don't take hints and most of them are total assholes. Things I don't understand often scare me.
• Limited Time-I hate time limits. Can you imagine if there was a time limit for using the bathroom, being in a changing room, or sitting at a restaurant table. If you think there isn't your crazy, just think about it. People give you funny looks, employees ask you if you need help, exct. Homework has time limits, maybe I don't want to do your stupid math paper, maybe I have a life??
• Cheese Graters- so you get down to the last bit of cheese and you end up grating your finger. Sounds pretty scary to me.
• Getting Fat-there is nothing scarier than not being able to fit into your favorite pair of jeans. Plus I cant say I don't enjoy being perceived as attractive.
• Commitment-I don't want to be responsible for you and your shit. Come on that's a big decision.
• Toasters-Ok I'm having a fine morning and making toast. I reach in to get my toast and my stupid toaster just bites me (and by bite I mean burn)
• Sleep Texting-how many times have you said things you totally didn't mean to someone you were texting late at night? I know I'm guilty.
• Silence-I'm not gonna lie it freaks me out.
• Letting go-Once I'm latched on, I'm there for the ride.
• Rules-your always concerned about if your breaking them or not. You waste so much time worrying what will happen if you do actually break them.
• Parents-trusting someone else to make decisions for you? And you dont even get to choose them! dont kid yourself they totally control you and what you do for the first 18 years of you life.
• Small Spaces-im claustrophobic
• No Escape/Death Ground-Sun Tzu the anchient chinese general once said "put your troops on death ground ans they will not fail" death ground is fighting somewhere where there is not escape, the only option given is fight or die. Well that may be true but its pretty scary. I dont like not being in control of the events taking place around me.
• Love-fear the unknown.
• Loud Noises-When mixed with silence can become extremely annoying and induce paranoia.
• My Mother-if you only knew.
• Not Succeeding-pretty scary to think that your life could end up being crap.
• Trusting People-you can try...but once youve been 'betrayed' a certain amout of times, somthing just clicks off permenently in your brain and trust is just no longer an option. Trust no one.
• Being Stupid-Its no fun, trust me I know.
• Being ugly/Not wanted/Forever alone-Thats just depressing.
• The Future-If things are this crappy now I cant imagine how they will be then. Again, fear the unknown.

Well I'm finally done, I hope you have learned somthing about my sad existance.LOL ;)

and just like that..its gone

"love is when you are more concerned with the well being, safety and happiness of someone else than your own" -Quoted by: Romeo.....or maybe Juliet
Pretty scary isn't it, love is like the drug you cant possibly say away from. It can make you the happiest person in the world, and then leaves you suddenly when you least expect it. you feel empty and used. But something about it makes you want to get right back up and continue the game. No matter how many times you tell yourself "I wont fall next time, not so hard at least" "Ill stay away for a little while" it sucks you back in, chews you up then spits you out again. Its a never ending cycle, its an addiction, you don't have a choice.

ewww and my crazy quickly changing life

i have been unbelievably busy lately with ski team practice homework and my newly acquired boyfriend. this has prevented me from posting as frequently as i would like to. i had 2 very unpleasant experience this weekend while Christmas shopping for my sister. i was in target, with my mother mind you, I'm just walking down the home improvements isle and this kid (like a yr younger than me too!!) is just blatantly checking me out. i mean come on now dude, my mom even noticed!! i have recently found that i cant go anywhere public without guys just feasting their eyes!! its repulsive!! my poor Mikey. next we went to the mall, i had to go pee. i go into the first stall and there is fricken piss all over the seat!! what the hell people!! how is that even possible?? the seat is where your butt is supposed to be!! how do you pee on the seat when sitting on it!?! didn't your mommy teach you that only guys can pee standing up?? SOOOO GROSSS!!!!